Pigeons are social birds, and in addition to hanging out with their flock, they will actively look for a mate and bond to them very strongly. Pigeons are not monogamous, and even “married” pigeons will frequently flirt with other pigeons, people, or vaguely pigeon-shaped household objects ranging from plushies to croissants, but they will still be loyal to their mate when it comes to dedicating time, attention, and, most importantly, sharing nest duties.
If you have a pair of pigeons, they will likely bond to each other—although less likely if both are male—and figure out what to do next without your involvement. However, if you have a single pigeon and you spend a noticeable amount of time with them (like you should!), the object of their desire would very likely be you.
If you have a single pigeon who is comfortable with you, not scared of you, and spends a lot of time hanging out with you, eventually they might start thinking of you as their spouse—or, somewhat less elegantly, their mate. You may be able to recognize this by your pigeon exhibiting behaviors described in Pigeon Courtship.
<aside> 🐦 In other guides this can be referred to as your pigeon being “bonded” to you. Those two terms are interchangeable: a pigeon who’s bonded to you is a pigeon who considers you their spouse/mate.
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Pigeons are domesticated and have been bred to live alongside humans, so being bonded to a human would not be out of place. For that reason, pet pigeons do not need to live in pairs (a common misconception!), and a single bird will be perfectly happy living with you as long as you dedicate enough time and attention to them.
There are no downsides to a pigeon being bonded to you; in fact, with a single pet pigeon, you generally want that to happen. A bonded pigeon will deeply trust you, seek out your company, and involve you in all parts of their life—all the things you typically want in a companion bird.
While there is an inevitable sexual component to pigeon courtship, and pigeons will exhibit clearly sexual behaviors that some people can be weirded out by, you don’t have to discourage them and it’s fine to just let it happen. If your female pigeon is presenting for you, you can choose to either pet her or just ignore it; if your male pigeon is trying to hump your limbs or random objects, you can try redirecting him to something more suitable.
<aside> 🦜 If you have experience with parrots, you may find the previous paragraph surprising, since encouraging mating behaviors in parrots can be extremely harmful. However, pigeons are very different in this regard and will be perfectly fine.
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Being bonded is a spectrum rather than an on-off switch, and it happens gradually. A common sign of a pigeon starting to bond with you is frequently preening your fingers of their own volition. A stronger sign in female pigeons (hens) is presenting—lying flat or tilting their body towards you and slightly spreading their wings; a stronger sign in males (cocks) is being extremely attached to you. When your pigeon is nesting, accepting nesting materials from you and being comfortable with you reaching into the nest is another sign that you are now a proud pigeon spouse!
Keep in mind that male pigeons will often bite you as part of courtship! This is expected (and the bites don’t hurt too much), but for new pigeon owners it can be hard to differentiate between courtship and aggression or defensiveness. The context of the interaction matters a lot here.
As previously mentioned, the absolute majority of pigeons will only have one spouse, whether pigeon or human. When there is more than one pigeon or more than one human in the household, choosing a partner may get complicated!
<aside> 🐦 There are known exceptions to every single point of the list below, including even the “one spouse” rule! “Complicated” means really complicated, so your mileage may (and likely will) vary, although the situations described here are still the most common by far.
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Even if a pigeon is not bonded to you and you’re the side piece in one of the above-mentioned scenarios, they may still be extremely comfortable with you, although some things will generally be off-limits. Reaching into a pigeon’s personal space, especially into their nest, is typically a spouse prerogative, and it is rare that a pigeon who’s not bonded to you would let you pet them. However, a pair of pigeons would still be likely to hang out with you, fly to you, and respond well to training, especially if they’re companion-raised and desensitized; a lot of pigeon owners prefer living with a bonded pair instead of a single bird.
Pigeons are very loyal, so divorcing their spouses is not something that typically happens unless the spouse isn’t around anymore—and even then, it may take a good amount of time. If you’re away for a week and someone else takes care of your bonded pigeon in the meantime, they will still remember you when you get back and your relationship will recover in a matter of days, although you may get a wing slap or two for being so inconsiderate.